Guyland-Chapter 7&8

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Dreamworlds 3 &Guyland

I just finished watching Dreamworlds 3, a film that takes a look at the misogyny and violence of music videos. It ties so perfectly with Guyland because it shows a lot of the members of Guyland in their natural habitat-abusing women out of a sense of entitlement. It really affected me because I had no idea the amount of sex that goes into the videos that I watch. It was also interesting because the need to display sex was not just from random groupies/aspiring models and actresses who would sacrifice their self respect to get some screen time. This overt sexual behavior was from the likes of Beyonce, Madonna, Jessica Simpson, and Mandy Moore, and there was no way around recognizing the amount of use their bodies get to stay relevant. I had always thought of Beyonce as a strong, independent woman who had the highest self esteem. I would never even think to put her in the same category as these self-proclaimed “video ho’s,” but they can be compared. They are both selling the same thing, which is a fantasy. It is not to say that I believe Beyonce is insecure, because I don’t, I just can’t deny that there is a connection between her behavior in her videos and that of these random girls in the other videos. The intent is to be sexy and it is often times used as compensation for a lack of creativity. Women have become the tool to sell all types of items, most of all the male fantasy.

The video got me thinking more about the responsibility that women have in the formation of guyland and to the hope that it will be absolved someday. While I was watching the movie, I was thinking about the girl in chapter five of Guyland who had said that she was trying to be seen as equal in the eyes of the guys she knew, so she drank them under the table and slept with a stranger. I can bet that if someone asked a lot of the girls in these videos if they believed they were being disrespected, they would say no. They would probably make up some answer about the fact that they have complete control over their bodies and are independent thinkers. It is hard to decide whether or not that is true, but I’m just wondering why a woman once again feels the need to use her body to assert her equality with men. To the guy, the women are still objects and they are not viewed as being equal or respectable. They are just a reminder that men still have power over women. In order to help put a stop to guyland, women have got to stop being playthings and disguising it as “asserting equality.” We have got to start recognizing that using sexuality to be validated is not a healthy practice. Allowing men to pour liquor on our heads and throw meat at our naked bodies for sport is not a way to prove that we are their equals. If anything, it further proves in their minds that we are things that can be raped and beaten.

It is very difficult to regulate sex, however. Beyonce’s video for “Single Ladies” is quite different than Nelly’s video for “Tip Drill,” where women allow mostly their butt’s to be focused on while they wear thong underwear. In Beyonce’s video, she is wearing a leotard and dancing sexual at times, but she is not allowing men to disrespect her by swiping their credit cards between her butt cheeks. Oftentimes in videos by female artists, they are seen being sexual by themselves as opposed to dancing seductively on a man and letting him put his hands all over her. It is the same question that gets posed with porn stars. Obviously, they are watched by millions of men and a lot of them may have the same motives for their decisions-to assert their equality in a man’s world-but should they stop their jobs as well? I don’t have an answer. I don’t know why porn stars should be able to continue doing what they do, but “video ho’s” should stop. Maybe it is because a lot of female porn stars have creative freedom over their careers, but then I think that a lot of the porn companies that these women work for are ran by men. So, do they have creative freedom, or are they just sexual playthings like the women in the videos are? I really can’t figure it out. What’s more, if I were to let the thought of who runs the company be my deciding factor, then it would pose an even bigger issue because record companies where Beyonce and Madonna work for, are run by men. It is a male dominant society, so at what point do women have control over their bodies? Granted, Beyonce and Madonna do have the luxury of deciding how they want to use their bodies and what type of sex they want to sell, but at the end of the day, it is still creating this fantasy in the male mind that women are nothing more than sexual objects. On the other hand, the male fantasy is so broad that I could walk out of my house wearing sweat pants and someone could get aroused. There is no way to determine what sets off that sexual tick in a guy’s mind. Also, men may not even be thinking about the differences between Beyonce and a video ho that I have lain out. He most likely sees a practically naked woman on a TV and has the same reaction, no matter who the woman may be. A man may just see his desires being fulfilled and get the idea that whenever he wants to be satisfied, there will be a woman there to answer his every need.

Women have a responsibility to themselves and other women to look out for their image, bottom line. I may not know much else, but I know that so far. Women have got to stop allowing themselves to be duped into believing that using their bodies will help them get credibility because it will not. If a woman wants to be sexual because she wants to be, then by all means, do whatever feels natural. But do not consent to males getting to decide what counts as appropriate sexual behavior because that is just perpetuating the cycle of guyland, which is where we want to move away from.

Guyland chapter 5

In chapter five of Kimmel’s Guyland, he explores the world of initiations in the form of hazing rituals. The chapter, as most of the chapters in this book go, was eye opening and disturbing. He discusses the importance of binge drinking and fraternities in Guyland, as these are certain rites of passage that guys need to be exposed to in order to shape them into a the masculine beasts they were meant to be. This chapter also pushed more ideas about the roles that girls play in shaping Guyland, and what can be done by other guys to change this sick society of gang rape and homoerotic hazing.

Kimmel describes initiations as something that can “also reassure the guys that they are not yet men, not yet apart of the adult world, and that there’s still time to have a little fun before they have to find their way in the real world” (Kimmel 98). The fun these guys are having, however, is not something I would measure as “little.” Initiation rituals, or hazing as it is more commonly known, include binge drinking at all hours of the night, something that Kimmel says results in death more often than not. He explains that “three fourths of all Greeks are binge drinkers” (Kimmel 104). So what drives these guys to partake in these dangerous acts to be initiated into Guyland? The answer is simple: popularity. Popularity, as I have learned, is not something that dies at high school graduations, it is something that lives on and gets bigger as one enters the college arena. If a guy wants to be popular, he must be initiated into a group of other guys who hold the key to that popularity. Who are these guys? They are members of guyland. Kimmel explains, “Initiations in Guyland are about the passage from boyhood to manhood. Boyhood is the world of women-Mama’s boys, wimps, wusses, and losers-or the world of me who are considered women-gays, fags, homos, queers. Or babies” (Kimmel 99). The rituals that one does to cross this barrier from boyhood to manhood, however, is infantile. The whole process is infantile, if you think about it, but that is not what these guys are focusing on. Some fraternities will make their pledges dress as babies and eat regurgitated food from other brothers. Kimmel describes this as “If initiation is going to validate your manhood, first you have to regress to babyhood” (Kimmel 99). What I thought was interesting was how most of the actions of those who live in guyland are not marks of a man, they are, in a sense, very child like. They are purely motivated by their Id and their ego doesn’t even seem to come in to play to let them know that their actions are not wise. Or maybe the ego does come in to play, but the id, that part that needs to be a part of guyland, is much stronger. The voice that says “if you’re not a part of this, you’re a homo,” is screaming inside of these guys at all times.

There are so many issues that are raised in my mind as I read these chapters, but the one that seems to be at the forefront is: are we encouraging violence? We must be, since a lot of these guys are now CEOs of companies and were once a part of guyland in their college years. We have created this space of “boys will be boys” and allowed them to go off to school and mess up as much as they want to, as long as they eventually come out of it. It reminds me of other rituals that take place in the Amish faith, in the form of rumspringa, where people are allowed to “run around” at the age of 16 for as long as they like, until they choose baptism into the Amish church, or to leave the community forever. During this time, guys can sleep with whomever they choose, drink as much and as often as they like, and essentially get away with murder, all with this notion that it is their rite of passage. What is more, they do not get punished in any way for the acts that they committed during this time, as long as they come back to the church someday. It is similar to guys in guyland in that they also do not get reprimanded for their lewd behavior, if anything, they get a free pass because it is all under the guise of “finding oneself.”

The idea of “having fun” needs to come with limitations and consequences, if the fun that people are having is in any way like the “fun” that members of guyland are having. The fact that people are essentially encouraging these guys to go out into the world and rape girls and drink themselves into oblivion is frightening to say the least. No matter what someone says, you do not grow out of the pull towards violence like these guys have displayed. It is not as simple as saying, “Yea, I raped a few girls in college, but now I’m done with that. I’m a family man.” If you rape girls for sport, then obviously there is a deeper problem going on in your early life that is only crafted further with the support and encouragement of guyland. We are encouraging this behavior, even if all authority figures are doing is ignoring it. By ignoring it, they are allowing the problems to get worse. For example, with fraternities who haze and binge drink, the community praises these guys for doing absolutely nothing good to contribute to the world. When a recent event happened with a fraternity in my area giving girls roofies and date raping them, they were disbanded for a few years, if even that. Now they are back and people say it is because they “have changed” and those who committed those acts are gone. But we all know that is not true because those who have left are now alumni and have been throwing an arm around the new guys, teaching them the ropes of guyland. I am not saying that all Greek life is bad, it is just not fair that some are held up on an infallible soap box because they are “creating the future man.” If that is what the future man is, someone who rapes girls, tortures others to become a part of their group, and binge drinks, then I am afraid for the future society.

So what can women and men do to change guyland? I think for women, they need to stop encouraging this behavior and also stop trying desperately to be a token member of guyland. For example, Kimmel discusses the role of women in guyland and how they have the “misguided notion of being equal to the guys” (Kimmel 100). One girl in particular was trying to assert her equality to the men by hooking up with a guy she did not know after drinking a lot of guys under the table. She believes that guys see her as equal and respect her as such, but little does she know, she has just become a token in their world. For her to sleep with a guy that she barely knows, she is giving off the vibe that men are still dominant and that a woman must use sex in order to be recognizable in guyland. Also, she puts herself at a risk by drinking as much as she did because now she has made herself available to being taken advantage of. A woman trying to be equal to a guy in guyland is not possible because the only way to get them to notice her is to use her body to be validated. It is a disgusting practice that allows men to stay at the head of the situation. Women need to discourage these practices by not allowing themselves to be tricked into thinking they could ever be a part of guyland. They need to stop dating these guys who disrespect people in the ways that guyland encourages, and become enough for themselves instead of needing approval from men. They also need to stop going to these parties with guys who are notorious for bad behavior because they are only putting themselves in a bad situation. This is not to say that a girl who gets raped is asking for it, just that girls need to be aware of dangerous people and stay away from them. I’m not sure this will end guyland, but it will help girls to not become sport for guyland members. As for other guys, this is the hard part. I have not completely come up with a fool proof method for overturning guyland, but I know that it is going to take the participation of other males. The reason this is difficult is because a lot of guys have been bred for guyland since they were little children. Their fathers were members, and have brought up their sons to be shining members as well. But if there was a way that guys could see that they have other options, that being a man is not synonymous with being violent, I think it could work. How that is to happen, I have no idea yet. It is difficult because I feel as though the parents wouldn’t allow their sons to take part in women’s study classes in high school as well as learning about homosexuality and the harmful effects of gay bashing. I hope I can figure out a more thoughtful plan for guys to stop the events in guyland as I read on.

Guyland in Mad Men

In episode nine of season four of Mad Men, the main character, Don Draper said something that reminded me of Kimmel’s chapter four of Guyland. Joan interrupts a meeting that Don is having with some of the staff at Sterling Cooper Draper Price, and is asked by Don to have a freelance writer, Joey, called in for some work on a Mountain Dew campaign. Joan, having just had a run in with Joey where he basically calls her a whore who is asking to get raped, informs Don that Joey is causing problems with the women in the office. She will not go into detail, but just lets him know that Joey’s behavior is very inappropriate. Almost immediately, Don excuses Joey’s behavior by saying “boys will be boys.” I immediately had to stop and post about it because I just finished Kimmel’s chapter four titled “High School: Boot Camp for Guyland” about high school bullying that often times gets excused under the phrase “Boys will be Boys.”

I found this episode to be especially interesting because of the ways that men seem to be praised for their aggressive and inappropriate behavior because it reinforces their masculinity. Joey ends up getting fired by Peggy, the copy writer, but only because she complains to Don after Joey further assaults Joan with a drawing he tapes to her window. Don urges Peggy to handle the issue because his getting involved would result in Peggy looking like a tattle tale. Whether this was true or whether Don just did not want to betray the guy code by disciplining Joey, one will never know. But just seeing this episode play out was interesting because I had just read about similar situations in Guyland. Mad Men is a great show for study about masculinity, and I am sure that I will have more posts about episodes I watch in the future.

In chapter four of Kimmel’s book, he discusses how violence is a very important factor in Guyland because it not only establishes dominance; it also helps to establish loyalty. I was appalled at the level of brutality that some males were engaged in, and also the ways that their families helped to protect them when they faced punishment. What was even more surprising was the way the school system acted towards the victims of the taunting, saying that they deserved the treatment they got because they were gay. They were basically saying without always saying it, that “boys will be boys.” It disgusts me beyond belief, the amount that guys have been able to get away with under this phrase. It was interesting to see that this has been a phrase that has been used for many decades, as I saw in Mad Men. It was especially interesting to see that the men of Mad Men could probably be viewed as alumni for Guyland.

I will post more about Chapters four through eight later next week. I have to gather my thoughts about the material, as it is very heavy to analyze.