Gender Talk: "The Black Church: What's the Word?"

In Gender Talk: The Struggle for Women’s Equality in African American Communities, authors Johnnetta Betsch Cole and Beverly Guy-Sheftall discuss the Black church and masculinity. The chapter I want to discuss here is called “The Black Church: What’s the Word?” In this chapter, Sheftall and Cole look at the privileges of Black males in the church setting and the expectations of women. They begin by saying, “What are the principal lessons about gender that we were taught…? That God is a male and that Jesus is both white and male; that the relationship between women and men in everyday life is to be like that between God and His church, for God is the head of the church, and all members are to follow Him” (104). They further state that “The Black church is an institution that is a critical site for the subordination of women and the perpetuation of conservative gender ideologies on the one hand” (105). I find this book and this chapter to be very engaging and important in the study of masculinity because each culture has its own spin on the meaning of what it means to “be a man.” I also like that this book was written by women and highlights proactive women who are trying to put a stop to gender inequality. The ideas that I find most fascinating in this chapter are the ones that Cole and Sheftall discuss in regards to the origins of Black masculinity. They talk about the emasculated Black man, who yearned to take their rightful place in the American body politic and adopt ideas from the dominant culture. The ideas of gender norms were becoming heavily influenced by white culture, and these Black men felt the need to assimilate themselves into white culture by discrediting women and their rights.

In as early as 1789, Black women connected with Black men to help end slavery, and even though the churches were mainly ran by men, the women helped to prayer warriors, singers, and teachers, but at the beginning of the twentieth century, that changed. Women were forced to give up their access to leadership and hand over the reins to Black men. Cole and Sheftall theorize about the reasons that this happened, stating, “Perhaps it is not surprising that African American men, who were prohibited from exercising power in other public arenas would be adamant about maintain authority in the one institution they did manage to control, Black churches” (109). The interesting concept behind Black male domination in the church is that they use the bible to justify their hegemonic masculine views, the same way the bible was used to justify members of the white culture having slaves and using harsh tactics towards them. Male dominance in the Black community has been “expressed most clearly by the fact that Black women were forbidden to be ordained and to preach from a pulpit. These prohibitions continue to be ‘justified’ by reference to biblical sources” (109). Some preachers in the Black church believe that women are just as inferior to man as man is inferior to God. Males have found a way to use the teachings of the lord to create an air tight argument on why they are of higher importance. The analysis of Black males and the pull towards dominance is filled with so many complexities that it would take many blog posts and many years to peel back the layers. One of the most obvious reasons behind Black male dominance is the feeling of being able to control some area of life that has for so long been controlled for them by the dominant culture. Black males feel weakened by white society and therefore feel the need to pull from some other area in their lives and overcompensate for the power that has been taken from them. This does not offer excuses for the behavior that is being described, just background. I think it is important to know where our society has been so we do not go back to that place again.

Cole and Sheftall describe very disturbing practices that are going on in the Black church, aside from the overt masculinity. Sheftall describes a painful incident where her sister was going to a well-known preacher for marital advice pending a separation from her husband. The preacher “literally chased her around his office and offered sexual solace rather than marital counseling” (118). This is not a new problem; women have been getting assaulted by their preachers for years. What is more, some women have actually submitted to it and allowed the preachers to have relations with them that betray families and the church. This part of the chapter goes back to Kimmel’s Guyland in that I see where women are helping to reiterate to men that they are dominant and can have whatever they like, even if it is access to another woman’s body that is not his wife’s. Women have got to stop giving up their bodies to anyone, especially men who are only using it as a means to assert their control over. The reason I love this book so much is because at the end of each chapter, they discuss ways in which these problems are being addressed in order to show the reader that they must act and not feel powerless to this struggle. There are women who are working to directly change the issues of male dominance and female resistance (123) and openly discuss sexual violence and how one avoids becoming a victim. There are also religious leaders who are openly gay and churches who speak out against homophobia. One of the club organizations, Tender Loving Care clubs are for children in the churches who are provided with “sophisticated knowledge about sexuality so that they can behave responsibly as adults” (123). I think it is important that there are these kinds of groups to counteract the massive amounts of male dominance and hate that is being sent out into the world. I can only hope that some of these children who are apart of these clubs will take the lessons they have learned and help create a better future.

Stay tuned for more posts about Gender Talk and homophobia, hip-hop, and the body politic.

Michigan Asst. Attorney General Andrew Shirvell Targets Gay Student

This video is absolutely ludicrous. I cannot believe that this man has supporters, and what is more sad is that he "cannot" be fired because he is exercising his first amendment rights. It is blatantly obvious as Anderson Cooper says, that he is cyber bullying Chris Armstrong and is also the dictionary definition of a bigot, but he is being protected. It reminds me of Kimmel and what he discussed in Guyland in regards to the culture of silence.

Guyland-"Just" Guys

In the final chapter of Guyland, Kimmel ties up all that he has spoken of in the entire book about the violent world where boys become guys. He seeks to find a way that we can turn “just guys” into “JUST guys,” ones that break the code of silence and stop feeling as though they are entitled to privilege and women’s bodies without their consent. I was happy that he chose to focus on what we as a society can do to help these guys and what they can do to help themselves break the vicious cycle of date rape, hazing, and binge drinking. It is nice that the book was not just a statement of problems and that at the end; he made a point to let the reader know that this world is changeable.

Kimmel suggests quite a bit in changing the face of masculinity for our society. One of those reasons being that we should not encourage boys to fall away from their mothers and into their father’s arms at such a young age. Mothers are a very key part of the development of a young man. They remind the sons of their vulnerable and dependent sides, and encourage them to be open with their feelings yet she is pushed out of the nest so early in his life, as his father is the one who is deemed fit to shape him into a “fine young man.” The only problem with this is that a lot of times, these boys’ fathers are alumni of Guyland, and are shaping their sons into violent creatures who will shine brightly in the confines of guyland. Also, parents are so quick to be helicopter parents when their children are living with them, and then the second that they go off to college, the parents wash their hands of their kids. These are the same parents who are surprised that their son is being expelled for hazing rituals and must move back in with them. The parents just become absent figures in the child’s life, which is not good for them either. This is not to say that parents need to call their sons everyday and fold and iron their laundry on weekends, but they also need to remain in their sons lives and talk to him about his life. Kimmel says “Parents who stay close to their post-adolescent sons are the first line of defense against the worst elements of Guyland” (273). The parents help to remind their sons who they are and what is important. It is almost as if these guys who make up guyland have not been parented about the events of the world, so they are going into this dysfunctional family to learn about life and who they are, which needs to stop happening. When the guys come out of guyland, they may leave behind some of their dangerous behavior, but they will be fathers someday who may teach their kids about the awful practices of this “brotherhood.” Parents are a big part of helping their kids to steer clear of guyland. “When it comes to family life, form is not nearly as important as content” (274). Fathers who promote guyland behavior actually discourage their sons from becoming men, they encourage them to think like children, and let their desires guide them instead of a practical mind.

Guys are also encouraged to break the silence that they keep in hopes of protecting the Guy Code. The guy code is not something that needs to remain, instead, there needs to be a gentleman code that other guys can adopt, that allows them to still feel “manly,” but that changes the ways they go about feeling that masculinity. Guys are still protecting themselves if they promote gentleman ways instead of aggressive guyland behavior. If a guy can help to promote respect of women and of himself, then he is protecting his “bros” way more than the guys who promote rape and binge drinking. As Kimmel says:

“In the end we need to develop a new model of masculinity. Young men must understand on a deep level that being a real man isn’t going along with what you know in your heart to be cruel, inhumane, stupid, humiliating, and dangerous. Being a real man means doing the right thing, standing up to immorality and injustice when you see it, and expressing compassion, not contempt for those who are less fortunate” (287)

A local chapter of a fraternity accepts openly gay men and works to make other brothers who have homophobia issues a problem that needs to be addressed. I think this is a start of something great. I do not think that we need to abolish Greek life and athletic programs to get rid of guyland practices. I think that would be too easy. I think instead, we need to adapt these programs into respectful and responsible learning experiences. I have to say that I am pleased with most of the fraternities on my campus because they accept openly gay males and do not make them feel like they have to work harder than straight guys to prove their manhood. They are also against hazing-hosting national hazing prevention week on our campus to raise awareness about the dangers of hazing. A friend of mine is a part of a fraternity that is nicknamed “the gentleman fraternity” on his UC Merced campus. They do not haze, and are well known for accepting all types of guys into their organization. They also work closely with the sororities on campus and allow women’s voices to be heard. It is practices like these that make me hopeful about the future. It is not going to be an easy thing to tackle hegemonic masculinity practices, but it can be done.

From reading Guyland, I have learned a lot about masculinity mainly that these guys in guyland are not what it means to be masculine. So far I am learning that to really “be a man” it is not about how much sports you watch, how much alcohol you consume, whether you watch pornography and degrade women with your bros; to be a man means to do the right thing, to be a responsible leader. Being a follower is to be like one of the boys in guyland, which is the farthest thing away from a man that I’ve ever witnessed. I am also learning that being a man does not have a strict guideline, for example, any type of guy can be a man so long as he is responsible, respectful of himself and others, and willing to stand up to injustice. The guys who believe they are doing the right thing or being a man because they leave the party where a girl is getting gang raped, but choose not to report it are just as pathetic as the guys who stay and commit the crime. Kimmel suggests that one way to help combat guyland is for guys to make friends, especially female friends. This can be a helpful factor in reminding the guy that he would not want someone to disrespect his girl friend, and help him to have more of an understanding to the female population. I completely agree-a guy needs to have healthy friendships with males and females that promote respect, responsibility, and trust. I used to think that it was hopeless to change the things that get to count as masculinity, but not anymore. The women who are helping to perpetuate guyland must stop and need to start respecting themselves and their bodies more. They must show these guys that they are not going to be their play things; that women deserve more than what they are settling for now. And the guys who are not a part of guyland must start to befriend the guys who are in the confines of guyland to show them that there are other alternatives, and that being a man is not about cruel practices. The guys of guyland are screaming for attention and inevitably for help, they just may not know it yet. WE as a society must figure out what we can do to help this problem.

The next book I will be looking at is Gender Talk, there are a few articles in it on African American masculinity that are very interesting!

Parenthood

I just have to say that in light of all the heaviness that I write about on here, there are some really positive things going on in the world that are encouraging people to respect one another as people. One such thing is the NBC show Parenthood. The show revolves around a family named the Braverman's. There are four siblings, two guys and two girls, and it examines their lives and the way they try to live as parents. I really enjoy this show because it shows alternative ways of living than what is expected of males and females. For example, Julia and Joel are married and have a daughter, only Julia is a lawyer while Joel is the stay at home dad who attends PTA meetings, dresses his daughter, fixes dinner, and cleans the house. He is not threatened by his wife's accomplishments, if anything, he is proud of them. It is great to see such a positive and different type of relationship being shown on television. In another family setting, Adam, the oldest brother, has a wife who is more of a stay at home mom, while he works at a shoe company. They have an autistic son named Max, and a teenage daughter. It is really wonderful to see how much Adam loves his family and how dedicated he is to forming a bond with his son, regardless of Max's autism.

The show is just a wonderful little gem, and I am happy it exists because it highlights different ways of living so that males and females are seen as equal, instead of living in a male dominant household. I have a few more shows and programs that I have stumbled upon that make me really feel as though change is a great possibility. I will share them in the next week or so.

Guyland-Chapters 9-11

I finally finished reading Guyland! I am glad to have read the book because it was a real eye opening experience to the world that some guys are a part of, and ultimately the world that I live in. I will post something solely dedicated to the last chapter of the book, but in this post, I wanted to discuss chapters 9, 10, and 11. I think there is some really insightful and important information in these chapters that must be addressed. In chapter 9, Kimmel discusses hooking up in guyland, and just what sex means to these men and women in college. This chapter was not so eye opening as some of the other chapters have been because I am in college and know of the sexual practices that some of my fellow students, as well as some friends, partake in. I did find it alarming that so many girls were okay with this form of casual sex because there is very little in it for them. As Kimmel says, the women who are hooking up with these guys are not experiencing great sex, they are oftentimes not even experiencing mediocre sex. The sex is mainly for the guy to have an orgasm, and if the girl can’t find a way to get something out of it, it is her problem. Once again, women have become a tool, a car, if you will, that allows men to get where they need to go. Girls must make themselves available for sex, but not get too attached, as guys do not want to have “the talk” about whether or not the sexual relationship could evolve into an actual relationship. Alcohol, as Kimmel says, has a ton to do with the hook up process(199-200). Liquid courage has become the most important component in sealing the deal, so to speak. It helps to lower expectations and relieve one of their consciences. However, it can also lead to rape, which is discussed in Chapter 10. I feel that hooking up in college is a normal process. That is to say, if it is something that one is doing because they enjoy sex, but do not want to have a commitment. So long as both parties are being safe and responsible and honest with one another, there is nothing wrong with casual sex, in my opinion. But when sex becomes a means to get close to someone or to make yourself less of an invisible entity in guyland is when the problem begins. Women should be able to have casual sex like men can have, but they should not aim to regard sex in the same way as guys in guyland do. As I just previously mentioned, if a woman wants to have sex because she truly enjoys it, then there is not a problem with it. It does not seem that this is the case with these women, however. As Kimmel states, “Most hookups are not great sex” (210). Kimmel explains how in a recent survey, only 19 percent of women reported having an orgasm, while males had orgasms more frequently. So the question is, why do these women hook up with guys if they are not enjoying the sex? Why not just wait until they find someone who can satisfy them? My guess is that they want to appear likeable and relevant in guyland, and if they don’t adhere to the sexual advances of these men, they will be not be remembered. They want to be seen as popular and needed, and what better way to get this validation than to use their bodies to do it? They believe that since they are deciding who they sleep with, that they are in control. But they are no more in control than they ever were. One of the scarier ideas this chapter brings up is why these girls want to be seen as valuable by these guys who obviously do not value anything because they do not value themselves?

Chapter 11 discusses more of the same thing in regards to women in guyland, and the ways that sororities aim to please the males on their campuses. The girls in this chapter believe that if they sleep with the guys, they will become one of the guys, or at least seen as equal. Kimmel says it best when he states, “Whereas guys are permanent citizens, girls are legal aliens at best” (245). This chapter just further states my point about the fact that women must stop trying to use sex as a bargaining chip with these guys in guyland, that they will not be seen as equal to them just because they casually sleep around and binge drink. The guys are described as thinking these traits are not attractive and do not deserve respect, and this is the first time I would have to agree with them. It does not say a lot about a person if they feel their self-respect comes after their need for attention and popularity. It is a fine line between this and sexual assault, because on the one hand, I am saying that I believe that women have a responsibility to one another and most importantly themselves not to use their body to get equality. Their aim should not be to be seen as “one of the guys” because that means that they are perpetuating the idea that male desires are more important than their own. This goes along with not hooking up with a guy to be seen as popular or significant. Like I have said, if a girl wants to have sex because she wants to for her, then there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. However, to do it in order to please a guy, once again reiterates the idea that male desires are more important than the worth of females. However, when a woman gets raped, she is not at fault, nor is there anything she could have done differently. Rape is different in that women are not seeking this to be on an equal level with men, men are using sexual assault to reaffirm that they will always be dominant, and therefore, above women. I just wanted to clear that up.

I decided to group Chapter 9&11 together because they had a lot to do with each other, and then separately discuss chapter 10…

Chapter 10 was a little more difficult to read. It was all about predatory sex and party rape. I have to say that I enjoy the ways that Kimmel weaves these chapters together. Kimmel opens chapter ten by saying that when he was younger, he remembers hearing, “when it comes to sex, never take no for an answer…Look, girls have to say no, even if they want to do it. It’s part of being a girl. So if they say no, they’re really saying yes. They still want you to” (217). It scares me to think that people actually believe this and will tell one another, but it happens. When Kimmel said how he told his class about the idea that one only stops “when she hits you” (217) and his classmate said it was different now, that now you only stop when she hurts you, I was shocked. This was not the end of it. More shocking than this was that women blamed themselves for being targeted and raped. Kimmel states, “They blamed themselves for leading him on, for giving mixed signals, for not really knowing what they wanted, for being too drunk to say no clearly” (221). To have women feel as though they could have prevented the rape from occurring is sad, to say in the least. Although I believe that women can take precautions, such as not drinking at a party where they do not know at least half of the people, if they are going to attend a party of a stranger, to arrive and leave in a group, do not walk to their cars or anywhere alone at night, and never leave drinks unattended at a party. With that being said, a victim of rape cannot make herself less of an attractive candidate for rape. There is nothing that a person does to ask to get raped, no matter what. Kimmel talks about anti feminists, such as Cathy Young and Camille Paglia, who lay blame for sexual assault on the women. “Roiphe, Young, and Paglia all argue that boys will be boys, and that to constrain male sexuality is to do a disservice to young men. As Paglia explains, today’s female students have the temerity to believe ‘they can do anything, go anywhere, say anything, and wear anything.’ Well, she says, ‘No, they can’t.” (221). It is no wonder that so many men feel as though their rough sexual practices are harmless, while women believe they are the responsible for being sexually assaulted. When anyone, especially a woman encourages the phrase “boys will be boys” and links it with rape, they are giving people permission to sexually assault women. If anyone, other than the rapist, is at fault for sexual abuse, it is these women and men who turn rape into a nonchalant practice that is a consequence of “bad decision making” on the woman’s part. These women believe that victims of rape should accept the consequences whenever they make a mistake, meaning that they should accept that rape is their fault.

Kimmel talks about the fact that victim confirmation is a key part of rape cases, but how it is one of the only crimes that victims have to define the crime. He writes, “Yet one has to engage in some strange epistemology to conclude that if they don’t define it as rape, it wasn’t rape. For most crimes, the subjective experience of the victim plays little role in the labeling of a crime. A robbery is a robbery, whether or not you were dressed so nicely that the mugger thought you wanted it. It is still a robbery even if, in your drunken foolishness, you walked through a bad part of town in the middle of the night with an expensive camera around your neck, or if you ‘consented’ in your fright and said, ‘Here, take my money’” (223). I think it is interesting that we are so dependent on proving that a rape did not occur. The bottom line is, if the person says stop and you keep going, you sexually assaulted them. It does not matter how much she had to drink or what she is wearing, she is not asking to get raped. The fact that we as a society cannot all get on the same page with that basic concept bewilders me. Like I previously mentioned, there are cautionary steps a woman should take to protect herself, but ultimately, if she fails to take them, she still does not deserve to be raped. A lot of this chapter can be related back to the chapter on pornography, where men see images of women getting “gang-banged” and think to themselves, “all women really want it and I am going to give it to them.” This is not to say that all men who watch porn are rapists, but it does send this message to some. Kimmel furthers this point by saying, “many men subscribe to what sexual assault counselors call ‘date rape myths’-that women want sex just as much as men do but are socialized to say no even if they mean yes; that women like to be forced to have sex, that drunk women are ‘fair game’” (225).I wonder where they are hearing these myths from and where the idea for these myths started. Could it be in some of the images that are seen in pornography, or is that too much a stretch? Rape happens a lot in guyland, and a great deal of it occurs with Greeks and jocks. Fraternities and athletes are seen as celebrities on college campuses, and with that status comes the entitlement and silence. Some of the members of these organizations feel that it is their right to have sex with any woman they want, no matter how she feels about it. Communities, fellow members, and school administration turn a blind eye to what goes on with these guys, and the whole ugly culture becomes perpetuated once again. I do not want to spend a lot of time with these ideas, as I have covered them in previous posts. I would rather talk about what some schools are doing to change these things from continuing. Schools like USC, Penn State, Ohio State, and Stanford have created mandatory sexual assault prevention programs for their players. To discourage possible recruits in high school from having the opportunity to rape girls (which they are taught is a part of their right as men and athletes by the college athletes), schools like Stanford have the players’ parents attend the recruitment sessions with their sons and they are all housed together in the same hotel. Schools like Antioch College created a new Code of Conduct program that is required for any sexual contact that is not “mutually and simultaneously initiated” (240). The policy states not to take silence as consent because it isn’t. Women seemed to be happy with this new policy, whereas guys are not so excited. They feel as though the code takes away the moment and will be a turnoff, but as Kimmel shows, Canada introduced a similar program and no protests have come up from Canadian men. The program in Canada works just fine. I think these programs are wonderful, and encourage healthy sexual practices. While some students may think they take away from the moment, they are no more of an interruption than sexual assault is, and with these programs, they ensure that miscommunication will not happen.

Guyland-Chapter 7&8

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