Gender Talk: Chapters 5&6

In Chapters 5&6 of Gender Talk, Sheftall and Cole discuss the concept of race secrets, as well as homosexuality and homophobia in the black community. I think these chapters have a lot of the same concepts in them, which is why I chose to discuss them in one post. In chapter 5, Sheftall and Cole bring to light the idea that while Black men have been marginalized, they do not believe it is an excuse to be violent in their day to day lives. They state, “While we understand at a profound level the particular plight of Black men and the hostile world they inhabit, we do not believe that ‘black males have been the principal victims of the legacy of racial discrimination and prejudice in American society’ or that Black men have been prohibited from being men or denied a gender identity” (132). While Black men have been demoralized, I think what Sheftall and Cole are pointing out is that they have not been objectified anymore than women have. They point out that Black men “also benefit from the gender privilege that operates in some manner for all males in male dominant cultures such as the United States” (132). They explain that this is not to say that power and privilege are shared throughout the color lines, but male privilege is something that is true in their own marginalized communities and families. The idea of “the Black Man” thoroughly gets examined in this chapter, with respect to slavery and the media. The whole chapter is set against this backdrop of “race secrets,” which are secrets that are kept within the Black community about the problems of some of the members. This idea of a race secret is problematic, however, if we are to ever change the face of the violence and homophobia in the Black community. Sociologist Clyde W. Franklin II says that in order to explore Black masculinity, we must at first look at the “legacy of slavery when Black men were property and rendered submissive, nonprotective, powerless, and studs supreme” (134). So what he is saying is that we must take into consideration the fact that Black men have been marginalized, beaten, and dehumanized by the dominant culture. I understand that completely, but in no way does their marginalization give them the right to abuse or minimize women , especially black women in this case, and their struggles. Women have always been the lesser being in regards to gender, and black women went through the same sadistic institution that is known as slavery. The difference in the male’s mind between slavery for men and slavery for women? Women are supposed to be treated as submissive creatures because they are inferior to men. Women are supposed to be raped because that is a domination tactic created by males to assert their power over females. Men are not supposed to be raped and treated as submissive beings because they are men. Thus, the need to assert ones manhood in Black culture gets amplified that much more because that assertion is an attempt to show the dominant culture that they are not docile, and that they are not less of a man. They also feel the need to prove this to the women, which is where the violence comes in. Violence has become a way for some men of all races to be recognized as the dominant ones, as if the world had forgotten. Sex is also used as a way to assert ones masculinity. Cole and Sheftall explain that “When Black men are unable to be men in traditional ways…they compensate by exaggerating what’s left of normative gender roles. ‘And that is sex…what is left of his manhood demands that he control this last frontier. The result is exaggerated sexuality” (134). What is problematic in this is the fact that the dominant culture views Black males as animalistic, oversexed beings, and when Black males reiterate these stereotypes, they help to give more power to their oppressors. It becomes an “I’ll show you” kind of pattern, but the only thing that is being shown is that the dominant culture is right.

Cole and Sheftall discuss violence in Greek fraternities and the demeanor of Black men that is known as “the cool pose.” In one example about a student, Joel, of Cole and Sheftall’s, he was taking a women’s study course and really getting into figuring out the man he wanted to be. He also discovered that he would rather have a daughter than a son, which was not approved of by his fraternity at Morehouse College. He died during that semester and hazing was thought to be the cause. A psychologist, Ricky L. Jones tries to connect the violence that happens in fraternities to cultural ideas of masculinity that underline power over others. “Jones is not excusing Black male violence, but asking us to see the link between certain Black male identities and the particularities of Black men’s sojourn in America” (137). Jones explains that Black male violence at the core is about trying to achieve manhood. In trying to appear like a “man” in Black culture, there is something called a “cool pose.” This is connected to the idea of “Black macho” (137). The cool pose is defined as an “array of coping behaviors and psychological defenses, both positive and negative, that some Black males in particular employ to deal with the persistent stressors of an oppressive society (137). This cool pose is problematic, too. I have decided that this must be the blog post where I discuss everything that is problematic in trying to be a part of a hegemonic masculine society. This cool pose shows Black male adolescents that they must not care about anything in the world because it is a cruel place, that they must just adapt to the inequality and use guns to express their anger. It gets absolutely zero resolved, and it shows young Black males that violence is the way to get out aggression. It perpetuates the vicious cycle of the oppressed trying to emphasize their masculinity to the dominant culture, and the dominant culture getting more power because their stereotypes are being reaffirmed. We will revisit the “cool pose” again in a few days when I discuss the world of hip-hop.

Cole and Sheftall discuss the ways that the Black culture must break the silence on these race secrets that are kept. In order to change the face of the Black culture, the secrets must be exposed, and we must not approach them as insurmountable tasks that continue to grow and grow with each rape or gunshot. We must take a look at them now. The reason that so many people in the Black community are tight lipped about these secrets is that they do not want to be judged as imperfect, nor do they want to feel as though their actions are under the watch of white society, but the fact that gangs are in the news every other day already exposes that fear. In keeping the secret, they are saying without sometimes saying it, that the behavior is something that can be excused, and it really cannot. Byllye Avery states, “We have to look at how violence is used, how violence and sexism go hand and hand…We have to stop it, because violence is the training ground for us” (143).

Chapter 6:

In this chapter, Sheftall and Cole discuss Gay and Lesbians in the Black community and where a lot of the homophobia stems from. They also touch on the Black males who are undercover, meaning that they are married with children, but have a gay lover on the side. It is really no surprise that in a culture that wants to “other” anything that is different, that homosexuality would be something that is misunderstood and hated in a lot of Black communities. Some people believe that Black homosexuals “betray the quest for healthy black families, a regulated and normalized black sexuality” (155). I am sorry, but I seriously doubt that being gay is the one “problem” that is going to sink the ship on issues in the Black community. As someone who is half Black and half White, I get deeply offended when people of a minority, who were once ostracized and “othered” by society feel like it is acceptable to do the same horrible treatment to another group of people. It is as though the last 100+ years never happened for slavery and that people forget how difficult it is to be castrated of your rights. But on the other side, when it is important to remember how much people in the Black community have been ostracized, for example with the violence I discussed earlier, it is remembered. But it is soon forgotten with the issue of homosexuality and the dominant culture. I understand that being against homosexuality gives those who are objectified the chance to join forces with the dominant culture and stand on common ground, but it is bullshit, quite frankly. Instead of having a deep understanding of the pain that homosexuals face, it appears that some are glad to have the focus off of them, so they must do whatever they can to remain out of the spotlight. Not so long ago, it would have been a crime that could have been punishable by death for my Black father to even look at my white mother, but now it is not a very big deal at all, so I don’t understand how people can forget that enough to go and take those same rights away from homosexuals. The way to beat out the dominant ideas about race and sexuality is to ban together and fight it, remembering where each person has been and the hurt they felt as outcasts. It baffles me that this idea cannot be understood. Cole and Sheftall prove my point by stating, “Black people’s intense hatred of racism and their knowledge of the pain it causes has not kept many of them from subjecting their gay brothers and sisters to a range of indignities” (173-4).

But enough with my rant about this, I will now return to Gender Talk.

The idea that Black homosexuals are race traitors is a popular idea in the Black community. The belief that “homosexuality is a sickness, just as are baby-rape or wanting to become the head of General Motors” (158) is being told to a lot of youth in the Black community. Homosexuality is defined as synonymous with dysfunctional Black manhood. Again, homosexuals are used as the scapegoat for the dysfunction of Black masculinity, when really it is the reiteration of the “cool pose” that is the problem with Black masculinity. Cole and Sheftall say it best when they state, “Explanations by Black scholars and lay persons alike that assign blame to external factors help perpetuate the myth that homosexuals are deviant, degenerate, and unmanly” (159). Homosexuality, as it is seen in this book, and as I already knew, is not something that happens because of white supremacy or slavery, it is just as natural and instilled at birth as it is in other ethnicities. The ideas that go along with homosexuality in the Black culture are the ones that are created. The pressure that one is a race traitor if they are not heterosexual and hegemonic in the Black culture helps to facilitate “on the down low” (172) sex. On the down low sex is where men who are supposedly heterosexual regularly have sex with other men. There was an outbreak of HIV/AIDS among heterosexual Black women, which exposed the secret of down low sex. It is sad because homosexuality is not synonymous with HIV/AIDs, but this pull towards keeping ones family, but having sex with another man on the down low has made some of these men grow careless about precautions they should be taking when having sex with anyone.

As always, Cole and Sheftall discuss ways that the Black community is working together to fight these race secrets and homophobic practices from remaining in the community. There are openly gay ministers and communities that accept homosexuals, which is a good start. It is nice to know that in all of this hatred, there are people with love in their hearts who want to create a stronger community full of acceptance for all its members. The lid must be blown off of the race secrets and acceptance must come from the larger community so that down low sex can stop hurting these Black males and their families.

Finally!

Andrew Shirvell is fired from Michigan state after the months of harassment and stalking towards Michigan State Student Body President Chris Armstrong. I am so happy that a move was finally made, although it is sad that it took so long, seeing as though this man was cyber bullying Armstrong, a trait that is should be frowned upon. But I am not going to focus on how long it took for Shirvell to be recognized as a bigot, only that it finally has been recognized.

Gender Talk: "The Black Church: What's the Word?"

In Gender Talk: The Struggle for Women’s Equality in African American Communities, authors Johnnetta Betsch Cole and Beverly Guy-Sheftall discuss the Black church and masculinity. The chapter I want to discuss here is called “The Black Church: What’s the Word?” In this chapter, Sheftall and Cole look at the privileges of Black males in the church setting and the expectations of women. They begin by saying, “What are the principal lessons about gender that we were taught…? That God is a male and that Jesus is both white and male; that the relationship between women and men in everyday life is to be like that between God and His church, for God is the head of the church, and all members are to follow Him” (104). They further state that “The Black church is an institution that is a critical site for the subordination of women and the perpetuation of conservative gender ideologies on the one hand” (105). I find this book and this chapter to be very engaging and important in the study of masculinity because each culture has its own spin on the meaning of what it means to “be a man.” I also like that this book was written by women and highlights proactive women who are trying to put a stop to gender inequality. The ideas that I find most fascinating in this chapter are the ones that Cole and Sheftall discuss in regards to the origins of Black masculinity. They talk about the emasculated Black man, who yearned to take their rightful place in the American body politic and adopt ideas from the dominant culture. The ideas of gender norms were becoming heavily influenced by white culture, and these Black men felt the need to assimilate themselves into white culture by discrediting women and their rights.

In as early as 1789, Black women connected with Black men to help end slavery, and even though the churches were mainly ran by men, the women helped to prayer warriors, singers, and teachers, but at the beginning of the twentieth century, that changed. Women were forced to give up their access to leadership and hand over the reins to Black men. Cole and Sheftall theorize about the reasons that this happened, stating, “Perhaps it is not surprising that African American men, who were prohibited from exercising power in other public arenas would be adamant about maintain authority in the one institution they did manage to control, Black churches” (109). The interesting concept behind Black male domination in the church is that they use the bible to justify their hegemonic masculine views, the same way the bible was used to justify members of the white culture having slaves and using harsh tactics towards them. Male dominance in the Black community has been “expressed most clearly by the fact that Black women were forbidden to be ordained and to preach from a pulpit. These prohibitions continue to be ‘justified’ by reference to biblical sources” (109). Some preachers in the Black church believe that women are just as inferior to man as man is inferior to God. Males have found a way to use the teachings of the lord to create an air tight argument on why they are of higher importance. The analysis of Black males and the pull towards dominance is filled with so many complexities that it would take many blog posts and many years to peel back the layers. One of the most obvious reasons behind Black male dominance is the feeling of being able to control some area of life that has for so long been controlled for them by the dominant culture. Black males feel weakened by white society and therefore feel the need to pull from some other area in their lives and overcompensate for the power that has been taken from them. This does not offer excuses for the behavior that is being described, just background. I think it is important to know where our society has been so we do not go back to that place again.

Cole and Sheftall describe very disturbing practices that are going on in the Black church, aside from the overt masculinity. Sheftall describes a painful incident where her sister was going to a well-known preacher for marital advice pending a separation from her husband. The preacher “literally chased her around his office and offered sexual solace rather than marital counseling” (118). This is not a new problem; women have been getting assaulted by their preachers for years. What is more, some women have actually submitted to it and allowed the preachers to have relations with them that betray families and the church. This part of the chapter goes back to Kimmel’s Guyland in that I see where women are helping to reiterate to men that they are dominant and can have whatever they like, even if it is access to another woman’s body that is not his wife’s. Women have got to stop giving up their bodies to anyone, especially men who are only using it as a means to assert their control over. The reason I love this book so much is because at the end of each chapter, they discuss ways in which these problems are being addressed in order to show the reader that they must act and not feel powerless to this struggle. There are women who are working to directly change the issues of male dominance and female resistance (123) and openly discuss sexual violence and how one avoids becoming a victim. There are also religious leaders who are openly gay and churches who speak out against homophobia. One of the club organizations, Tender Loving Care clubs are for children in the churches who are provided with “sophisticated knowledge about sexuality so that they can behave responsibly as adults” (123). I think it is important that there are these kinds of groups to counteract the massive amounts of male dominance and hate that is being sent out into the world. I can only hope that some of these children who are apart of these clubs will take the lessons they have learned and help create a better future.

Stay tuned for more posts about Gender Talk and homophobia, hip-hop, and the body politic.

Michigan Asst. Attorney General Andrew Shirvell Targets Gay Student

This video is absolutely ludicrous. I cannot believe that this man has supporters, and what is more sad is that he "cannot" be fired because he is exercising his first amendment rights. It is blatantly obvious as Anderson Cooper says, that he is cyber bullying Chris Armstrong and is also the dictionary definition of a bigot, but he is being protected. It reminds me of Kimmel and what he discussed in Guyland in regards to the culture of silence.

Guyland-"Just" Guys

In the final chapter of Guyland, Kimmel ties up all that he has spoken of in the entire book about the violent world where boys become guys. He seeks to find a way that we can turn “just guys” into “JUST guys,” ones that break the code of silence and stop feeling as though they are entitled to privilege and women’s bodies without their consent. I was happy that he chose to focus on what we as a society can do to help these guys and what they can do to help themselves break the vicious cycle of date rape, hazing, and binge drinking. It is nice that the book was not just a statement of problems and that at the end; he made a point to let the reader know that this world is changeable.

Kimmel suggests quite a bit in changing the face of masculinity for our society. One of those reasons being that we should not encourage boys to fall away from their mothers and into their father’s arms at such a young age. Mothers are a very key part of the development of a young man. They remind the sons of their vulnerable and dependent sides, and encourage them to be open with their feelings yet she is pushed out of the nest so early in his life, as his father is the one who is deemed fit to shape him into a “fine young man.” The only problem with this is that a lot of times, these boys’ fathers are alumni of Guyland, and are shaping their sons into violent creatures who will shine brightly in the confines of guyland. Also, parents are so quick to be helicopter parents when their children are living with them, and then the second that they go off to college, the parents wash their hands of their kids. These are the same parents who are surprised that their son is being expelled for hazing rituals and must move back in with them. The parents just become absent figures in the child’s life, which is not good for them either. This is not to say that parents need to call their sons everyday and fold and iron their laundry on weekends, but they also need to remain in their sons lives and talk to him about his life. Kimmel says “Parents who stay close to their post-adolescent sons are the first line of defense against the worst elements of Guyland” (273). The parents help to remind their sons who they are and what is important. It is almost as if these guys who make up guyland have not been parented about the events of the world, so they are going into this dysfunctional family to learn about life and who they are, which needs to stop happening. When the guys come out of guyland, they may leave behind some of their dangerous behavior, but they will be fathers someday who may teach their kids about the awful practices of this “brotherhood.” Parents are a big part of helping their kids to steer clear of guyland. “When it comes to family life, form is not nearly as important as content” (274). Fathers who promote guyland behavior actually discourage their sons from becoming men, they encourage them to think like children, and let their desires guide them instead of a practical mind.

Guys are also encouraged to break the silence that they keep in hopes of protecting the Guy Code. The guy code is not something that needs to remain, instead, there needs to be a gentleman code that other guys can adopt, that allows them to still feel “manly,” but that changes the ways they go about feeling that masculinity. Guys are still protecting themselves if they promote gentleman ways instead of aggressive guyland behavior. If a guy can help to promote respect of women and of himself, then he is protecting his “bros” way more than the guys who promote rape and binge drinking. As Kimmel says:

“In the end we need to develop a new model of masculinity. Young men must understand on a deep level that being a real man isn’t going along with what you know in your heart to be cruel, inhumane, stupid, humiliating, and dangerous. Being a real man means doing the right thing, standing up to immorality and injustice when you see it, and expressing compassion, not contempt for those who are less fortunate” (287)

A local chapter of a fraternity accepts openly gay men and works to make other brothers who have homophobia issues a problem that needs to be addressed. I think this is a start of something great. I do not think that we need to abolish Greek life and athletic programs to get rid of guyland practices. I think that would be too easy. I think instead, we need to adapt these programs into respectful and responsible learning experiences. I have to say that I am pleased with most of the fraternities on my campus because they accept openly gay males and do not make them feel like they have to work harder than straight guys to prove their manhood. They are also against hazing-hosting national hazing prevention week on our campus to raise awareness about the dangers of hazing. A friend of mine is a part of a fraternity that is nicknamed “the gentleman fraternity” on his UC Merced campus. They do not haze, and are well known for accepting all types of guys into their organization. They also work closely with the sororities on campus and allow women’s voices to be heard. It is practices like these that make me hopeful about the future. It is not going to be an easy thing to tackle hegemonic masculinity practices, but it can be done.

From reading Guyland, I have learned a lot about masculinity mainly that these guys in guyland are not what it means to be masculine. So far I am learning that to really “be a man” it is not about how much sports you watch, how much alcohol you consume, whether you watch pornography and degrade women with your bros; to be a man means to do the right thing, to be a responsible leader. Being a follower is to be like one of the boys in guyland, which is the farthest thing away from a man that I’ve ever witnessed. I am also learning that being a man does not have a strict guideline, for example, any type of guy can be a man so long as he is responsible, respectful of himself and others, and willing to stand up to injustice. The guys who believe they are doing the right thing or being a man because they leave the party where a girl is getting gang raped, but choose not to report it are just as pathetic as the guys who stay and commit the crime. Kimmel suggests that one way to help combat guyland is for guys to make friends, especially female friends. This can be a helpful factor in reminding the guy that he would not want someone to disrespect his girl friend, and help him to have more of an understanding to the female population. I completely agree-a guy needs to have healthy friendships with males and females that promote respect, responsibility, and trust. I used to think that it was hopeless to change the things that get to count as masculinity, but not anymore. The women who are helping to perpetuate guyland must stop and need to start respecting themselves and their bodies more. They must show these guys that they are not going to be their play things; that women deserve more than what they are settling for now. And the guys who are not a part of guyland must start to befriend the guys who are in the confines of guyland to show them that there are other alternatives, and that being a man is not about cruel practices. The guys of guyland are screaming for attention and inevitably for help, they just may not know it yet. WE as a society must figure out what we can do to help this problem.

The next book I will be looking at is Gender Talk, there are a few articles in it on African American masculinity that are very interesting!

Parenthood

I just have to say that in light of all the heaviness that I write about on here, there are some really positive things going on in the world that are encouraging people to respect one another as people. One such thing is the NBC show Parenthood. The show revolves around a family named the Braverman's. There are four siblings, two guys and two girls, and it examines their lives and the way they try to live as parents. I really enjoy this show because it shows alternative ways of living than what is expected of males and females. For example, Julia and Joel are married and have a daughter, only Julia is a lawyer while Joel is the stay at home dad who attends PTA meetings, dresses his daughter, fixes dinner, and cleans the house. He is not threatened by his wife's accomplishments, if anything, he is proud of them. It is great to see such a positive and different type of relationship being shown on television. In another family setting, Adam, the oldest brother, has a wife who is more of a stay at home mom, while he works at a shoe company. They have an autistic son named Max, and a teenage daughter. It is really wonderful to see how much Adam loves his family and how dedicated he is to forming a bond with his son, regardless of Max's autism.

The show is just a wonderful little gem, and I am happy it exists because it highlights different ways of living so that males and females are seen as equal, instead of living in a male dominant household. I have a few more shows and programs that I have stumbled upon that make me really feel as though change is a great possibility. I will share them in the next week or so.

Guyland-Chapters 9-11

I finally finished reading Guyland! I am glad to have read the book because it was a real eye opening experience to the world that some guys are a part of, and ultimately the world that I live in. I will post something solely dedicated to the last chapter of the book, but in this post, I wanted to discuss chapters 9, 10, and 11. I think there is some really insightful and important information in these chapters that must be addressed. In chapter 9, Kimmel discusses hooking up in guyland, and just what sex means to these men and women in college. This chapter was not so eye opening as some of the other chapters have been because I am in college and know of the sexual practices that some of my fellow students, as well as some friends, partake in. I did find it alarming that so many girls were okay with this form of casual sex because there is very little in it for them. As Kimmel says, the women who are hooking up with these guys are not experiencing great sex, they are oftentimes not even experiencing mediocre sex. The sex is mainly for the guy to have an orgasm, and if the girl can’t find a way to get something out of it, it is her problem. Once again, women have become a tool, a car, if you will, that allows men to get where they need to go. Girls must make themselves available for sex, but not get too attached, as guys do not want to have “the talk” about whether or not the sexual relationship could evolve into an actual relationship. Alcohol, as Kimmel says, has a ton to do with the hook up process(199-200). Liquid courage has become the most important component in sealing the deal, so to speak. It helps to lower expectations and relieve one of their consciences. However, it can also lead to rape, which is discussed in Chapter 10. I feel that hooking up in college is a normal process. That is to say, if it is something that one is doing because they enjoy sex, but do not want to have a commitment. So long as both parties are being safe and responsible and honest with one another, there is nothing wrong with casual sex, in my opinion. But when sex becomes a means to get close to someone or to make yourself less of an invisible entity in guyland is when the problem begins. Women should be able to have casual sex like men can have, but they should not aim to regard sex in the same way as guys in guyland do. As I just previously mentioned, if a woman wants to have sex because she truly enjoys it, then there is not a problem with it. It does not seem that this is the case with these women, however. As Kimmel states, “Most hookups are not great sex” (210). Kimmel explains how in a recent survey, only 19 percent of women reported having an orgasm, while males had orgasms more frequently. So the question is, why do these women hook up with guys if they are not enjoying the sex? Why not just wait until they find someone who can satisfy them? My guess is that they want to appear likeable and relevant in guyland, and if they don’t adhere to the sexual advances of these men, they will be not be remembered. They want to be seen as popular and needed, and what better way to get this validation than to use their bodies to do it? They believe that since they are deciding who they sleep with, that they are in control. But they are no more in control than they ever were. One of the scarier ideas this chapter brings up is why these girls want to be seen as valuable by these guys who obviously do not value anything because they do not value themselves?

Chapter 11 discusses more of the same thing in regards to women in guyland, and the ways that sororities aim to please the males on their campuses. The girls in this chapter believe that if they sleep with the guys, they will become one of the guys, or at least seen as equal. Kimmel says it best when he states, “Whereas guys are permanent citizens, girls are legal aliens at best” (245). This chapter just further states my point about the fact that women must stop trying to use sex as a bargaining chip with these guys in guyland, that they will not be seen as equal to them just because they casually sleep around and binge drink. The guys are described as thinking these traits are not attractive and do not deserve respect, and this is the first time I would have to agree with them. It does not say a lot about a person if they feel their self-respect comes after their need for attention and popularity. It is a fine line between this and sexual assault, because on the one hand, I am saying that I believe that women have a responsibility to one another and most importantly themselves not to use their body to get equality. Their aim should not be to be seen as “one of the guys” because that means that they are perpetuating the idea that male desires are more important than their own. This goes along with not hooking up with a guy to be seen as popular or significant. Like I have said, if a girl wants to have sex because she wants to for her, then there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. However, to do it in order to please a guy, once again reiterates the idea that male desires are more important than the worth of females. However, when a woman gets raped, she is not at fault, nor is there anything she could have done differently. Rape is different in that women are not seeking this to be on an equal level with men, men are using sexual assault to reaffirm that they will always be dominant, and therefore, above women. I just wanted to clear that up.

I decided to group Chapter 9&11 together because they had a lot to do with each other, and then separately discuss chapter 10…

Chapter 10 was a little more difficult to read. It was all about predatory sex and party rape. I have to say that I enjoy the ways that Kimmel weaves these chapters together. Kimmel opens chapter ten by saying that when he was younger, he remembers hearing, “when it comes to sex, never take no for an answer…Look, girls have to say no, even if they want to do it. It’s part of being a girl. So if they say no, they’re really saying yes. They still want you to” (217). It scares me to think that people actually believe this and will tell one another, but it happens. When Kimmel said how he told his class about the idea that one only stops “when she hits you” (217) and his classmate said it was different now, that now you only stop when she hurts you, I was shocked. This was not the end of it. More shocking than this was that women blamed themselves for being targeted and raped. Kimmel states, “They blamed themselves for leading him on, for giving mixed signals, for not really knowing what they wanted, for being too drunk to say no clearly” (221). To have women feel as though they could have prevented the rape from occurring is sad, to say in the least. Although I believe that women can take precautions, such as not drinking at a party where they do not know at least half of the people, if they are going to attend a party of a stranger, to arrive and leave in a group, do not walk to their cars or anywhere alone at night, and never leave drinks unattended at a party. With that being said, a victim of rape cannot make herself less of an attractive candidate for rape. There is nothing that a person does to ask to get raped, no matter what. Kimmel talks about anti feminists, such as Cathy Young and Camille Paglia, who lay blame for sexual assault on the women. “Roiphe, Young, and Paglia all argue that boys will be boys, and that to constrain male sexuality is to do a disservice to young men. As Paglia explains, today’s female students have the temerity to believe ‘they can do anything, go anywhere, say anything, and wear anything.’ Well, she says, ‘No, they can’t.” (221). It is no wonder that so many men feel as though their rough sexual practices are harmless, while women believe they are the responsible for being sexually assaulted. When anyone, especially a woman encourages the phrase “boys will be boys” and links it with rape, they are giving people permission to sexually assault women. If anyone, other than the rapist, is at fault for sexual abuse, it is these women and men who turn rape into a nonchalant practice that is a consequence of “bad decision making” on the woman’s part. These women believe that victims of rape should accept the consequences whenever they make a mistake, meaning that they should accept that rape is their fault.

Kimmel talks about the fact that victim confirmation is a key part of rape cases, but how it is one of the only crimes that victims have to define the crime. He writes, “Yet one has to engage in some strange epistemology to conclude that if they don’t define it as rape, it wasn’t rape. For most crimes, the subjective experience of the victim plays little role in the labeling of a crime. A robbery is a robbery, whether or not you were dressed so nicely that the mugger thought you wanted it. It is still a robbery even if, in your drunken foolishness, you walked through a bad part of town in the middle of the night with an expensive camera around your neck, or if you ‘consented’ in your fright and said, ‘Here, take my money’” (223). I think it is interesting that we are so dependent on proving that a rape did not occur. The bottom line is, if the person says stop and you keep going, you sexually assaulted them. It does not matter how much she had to drink or what she is wearing, she is not asking to get raped. The fact that we as a society cannot all get on the same page with that basic concept bewilders me. Like I previously mentioned, there are cautionary steps a woman should take to protect herself, but ultimately, if she fails to take them, she still does not deserve to be raped. A lot of this chapter can be related back to the chapter on pornography, where men see images of women getting “gang-banged” and think to themselves, “all women really want it and I am going to give it to them.” This is not to say that all men who watch porn are rapists, but it does send this message to some. Kimmel furthers this point by saying, “many men subscribe to what sexual assault counselors call ‘date rape myths’-that women want sex just as much as men do but are socialized to say no even if they mean yes; that women like to be forced to have sex, that drunk women are ‘fair game’” (225).I wonder where they are hearing these myths from and where the idea for these myths started. Could it be in some of the images that are seen in pornography, or is that too much a stretch? Rape happens a lot in guyland, and a great deal of it occurs with Greeks and jocks. Fraternities and athletes are seen as celebrities on college campuses, and with that status comes the entitlement and silence. Some of the members of these organizations feel that it is their right to have sex with any woman they want, no matter how she feels about it. Communities, fellow members, and school administration turn a blind eye to what goes on with these guys, and the whole ugly culture becomes perpetuated once again. I do not want to spend a lot of time with these ideas, as I have covered them in previous posts. I would rather talk about what some schools are doing to change these things from continuing. Schools like USC, Penn State, Ohio State, and Stanford have created mandatory sexual assault prevention programs for their players. To discourage possible recruits in high school from having the opportunity to rape girls (which they are taught is a part of their right as men and athletes by the college athletes), schools like Stanford have the players’ parents attend the recruitment sessions with their sons and they are all housed together in the same hotel. Schools like Antioch College created a new Code of Conduct program that is required for any sexual contact that is not “mutually and simultaneously initiated” (240). The policy states not to take silence as consent because it isn’t. Women seemed to be happy with this new policy, whereas guys are not so excited. They feel as though the code takes away the moment and will be a turnoff, but as Kimmel shows, Canada introduced a similar program and no protests have come up from Canadian men. The program in Canada works just fine. I think these programs are wonderful, and encourage healthy sexual practices. While some students may think they take away from the moment, they are no more of an interruption than sexual assault is, and with these programs, they ensure that miscommunication will not happen.