In the final chapter of Guyland, Kimmel ties up all that he has spoken of in the entire book about the violent world where boys become guys. He seeks to find a way that we can turn “just guys” into “JUST guys,” ones that break the code of silence and stop feeling as though they are entitled to privilege and women’s bodies without their consent. I was happy that he chose to focus on what we as a society can do to help these guys and what they can do to help themselves break the vicious cycle of date rape, hazing, and binge drinking. It is nice that the book was not just a statement of problems and that at the end; he made a point to let the reader know that this world is changeable.
Kimmel suggests quite a bit in changing the face of masculinity for our society. One of those reasons being that we should not encourage boys to fall away from their mothers and into their father’s arms at such a young age. Mothers are a very key part of the development of a young man. They remind the sons of their vulnerable and dependent sides, and encourage them to be open with their feelings yet she is pushed out of the nest so early in his life, as his father is the one who is deemed fit to shape him into a “fine young man.” The only problem with this is that a lot of times, these boys’ fathers are alumni of Guyland, and are shaping their sons into violent creatures who will shine brightly in the confines of guyland. Also, parents are so quick to be helicopter parents when their children are living with them, and then the second that they go off to college, the parents wash their hands of their kids. These are the same parents who are surprised that their son is being expelled for hazing rituals and must move back in with them. The parents just become absent figures in the child’s life, which is not good for them either. This is not to say that parents need to call their sons everyday and fold and iron their laundry on weekends, but they also need to remain in their sons lives and talk to him about his life. Kimmel says “Parents who stay close to their post-adolescent sons are the first line of defense against the worst elements of Guyland” (273). The parents help to remind their sons who they are and what is important. It is almost as if these guys who make up guyland have not been parented about the events of the world, so they are going into this dysfunctional family to learn about life and who they are, which needs to stop happening. When the guys come out of guyland, they may leave behind some of their dangerous behavior, but they will be fathers someday who may teach their kids about the awful practices of this “brotherhood.” Parents are a big part of helping their kids to steer clear of guyland. “When it comes to family life, form is not nearly as important as content” (274). Fathers who promote guyland behavior actually discourage their sons from becoming men, they encourage them to think like children, and let their desires guide them instead of a practical mind.
Guys are also encouraged to break the silence that they keep in hopes of protecting the Guy Code. The guy code is not something that needs to remain, instead, there needs to be a gentleman code that other guys can adopt, that allows them to still feel “manly,” but that changes the ways they go about feeling that masculinity. Guys are still protecting themselves if they promote gentleman ways instead of aggressive guyland behavior. If a guy can help to promote respect of women and of himself, then he is protecting his “bros” way more than the guys who promote rape and binge drinking. As Kimmel says:
“In the end we need to develop a new model of masculinity. Young men must understand on a deep level that being a real man isn’t going along with what you know in your heart to be cruel, inhumane, stupid, humiliating, and dangerous. Being a real man means doing the right thing, standing up to immorality and injustice when you see it, and expressing compassion, not contempt for those who are less fortunate” (287)
A local chapter of a fraternity accepts openly gay men and works to make other brothers who have homophobia issues a problem that needs to be addressed. I think this is a start of something great. I do not think that we need to abolish Greek life and athletic programs to get rid of guyland practices. I think that would be too easy. I think instead, we need to adapt these programs into respectful and responsible learning experiences. I have to say that I am pleased with most of the fraternities on my campus because they accept openly gay males and do not make them feel like they have to work harder than straight guys to prove their manhood. They are also against hazing-hosting national hazing prevention week on our campus to raise awareness about the dangers of hazing. A friend of mine is a part of a fraternity that is nicknamed “the gentleman fraternity” on his UC Merced campus. They do not haze, and are well known for accepting all types of guys into their organization. They also work closely with the sororities on campus and allow women’s voices to be heard. It is practices like these that make me hopeful about the future. It is not going to be an easy thing to tackle hegemonic masculinity practices, but it can be done.
From reading Guyland, I have learned a lot about masculinity mainly that these guys in guyland are not what it means to be masculine. So far I am learning that to really “be a man” it is not about how much sports you watch, how much alcohol you consume, whether you watch pornography and degrade women with your bros; to be a man means to do the right thing, to be a responsible leader. Being a follower is to be like one of the boys in guyland, which is the farthest thing away from a man that I’ve ever witnessed. I am also learning that being a man does not have a strict guideline, for example, any type of guy can be a man so long as he is responsible, respectful of himself and others, and willing to stand up to injustice. The guys who believe they are doing the right thing or being a man because they leave the party where a girl is getting gang raped, but choose not to report it are just as pathetic as the guys who stay and commit the crime. Kimmel suggests that one way to help combat guyland is for guys to make friends, especially female friends. This can be a helpful factor in reminding the guy that he would not want someone to disrespect his girl friend, and help him to have more of an understanding to the female population. I completely agree-a guy needs to have healthy friendships with males and females that promote respect, responsibility, and trust. I used to think that it was hopeless to change the things that get to count as masculinity, but not anymore. The women who are helping to perpetuate guyland must stop and need to start respecting themselves and their bodies more. They must show these guys that they are not going to be their play things; that women deserve more than what they are settling for now. And the guys who are not a part of guyland must start to befriend the guys who are in the confines of guyland to show them that there are other alternatives, and that being a man is not about cruel practices. The guys of guyland are screaming for attention and inevitably for help, they just may not know it yet. WE as a society must figure out what we can do to help this problem.
The next book I will be looking at is Gender Talk, there are a few articles in it on African American masculinity that are very interesting!
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