I’ve read the first three chapters in Michael Kimmel’s Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men” and I must say that I am disturbed by the knowledge that is being thrown at me. I always knew that guys were their own separate entities, set apart from the rest of the world and praised by society for having the genitalia that makes them godlike, but I never knew the inner workings of the land they live in. I also never realized that they walk among us, but they live in a different world. The world that Kimmel explores is dangerous, sad, hopeless, and horrific. In the first chapter, Kimmel introduces the guys who inhabit Guyland, and also he states the disclaimer that “It’s important to remember that individual guys are not the same as Guyland” (Kimmel 7). Guyland consists of a very specific type of guy-insecure, between the ages of 16-26, intelligent, unabashed, mostly white, middle class, and the list goes on. Guyland is both strict and lax on whom they let into their world. So long as you are going to put your “bros before ho’s” and live a life complete of binge drinking, violence, sex, and high fives, you can be a part of Guyland. It isn’t only a world for jocks and frat guys. Most of the inhabitants of Guyland are white and know their privilege as both white and male, and feel entitled because of it. On the rare chance that they are passed over for a job and that job is given to a person of color or a woman, they are outraged and believe that they should have gotten the job because it is “theirs.” It appears as though they have no qualms about admitting that the job solely belongs to them because they are the privileged ones of society. Merit doesn’t even enter into the minds of those who are in Guyland.
The guys who make up Guyland are, essentially, in a relationship with the other members of Guyland. Kimmel writes, “Guyland revolves almost exclusively around other guys. It is a social space as well as a time zone…Just about every guy knows this=knows that his “brothers” are his real soul mates, his real life partners” (Kimmel 13). What I find to be interesting about the world of Guyland is the homoeroticism that lines its exterior. These men are and must be homophobic to be a member; but yet, they are engaging in gang rapes and other instances that require them to be close to another man’s penis. And I wouldn’t doubt that some of them actually like it. Kimmel goes on to further explain that to be a member of Guyland, one must prove their masculinity, even though that person has little to no idea what manhood is, they engage in activities that are not thought out to be considered a part of the pack. Kimmel further states, “After all, part of the definition of masculinity is to act as if one knows exactly where one is going” (Kimmel 42). The number one rule, above everything else in Guyland is to conform. It would appear as if these alpha men are actually nothing more than scared little boys, and that assumption, in my opinion, is correct. They are blindly following an ideal because they are afraid of what will happen to them if they do not conform. Typically, those who aspire to be members of Guyland have fathers, grandfathers, and brothers who are alumni in the brotherhood. It appears as though these guys do not have a chance to form other ideas about what it means to be a man. At an early age, they are taught not to cry or show any emotion other than anger because that makes them less of a man. Then in their adolescent years, they see other boys who have come from the same home and want to aspire to be the guy that their families and other members of Guyland are proud of. In a way, I feel sorry for them because they are so packed in to these roles out of fear and misguidance. I don’t want to give them an out and say they don’t know any better, but even if they do, they make sure not to show it because of who it will upset if they do. They guys are bred into these roles and have to make damned sure they don’t show any signs of weakness or doubt about it.
Kimmel goes into the cultures that make up Guyland in chapter three-a culture of silence, a culture of protection, and a culture of entitlement. The culture of entitlement is what I mentioned before, about the guys feeling as though they should have first pick at everything in life because they were white males. The culture of silence and protection kind of go hand in hand. Kimmel uses the 1989 rape of a developmentally delayed girl in Glen Ridge to describe these two cultures. There were thirteen athletes who lured this girl into a basement and convinced her to give them oral sex while the other guys watched. About six of them felt that it was wrong once they saw her being assaulted, so they left, but the other seven guys stayed and forced baseball bats into her vagina while laughing and saying crude things. Even though there were six guys who left, they didn’t go and tell the police what had happened or stand up for the girl when she later reported it. In other people’s eyes, they were somewhat heroes because they did the right thing and got out of there. Frankly, they shouldn’t have been there in the first place and if they were men, they would have stood up for her and dared to defy the members of Guyland. However, they didn’t, which further assimilated them into the brotherhood (Kimmel). They vowed to stay silent and protect the other guilty members, because “bros before hos.” It is really disgusting and horrific to read the accounts of this crime. I could feel my eyes bulging out with each detail I read. I feel compelled to watch the movie, “Our Guys: Outrage in Glen Ridge” again, so once I do, I will post about that.
The thing I’m discovering while reading this book is that Kimmel is very careful to call the subjects in his books either boys or guys, but never men. The guys in this book think they are strong and brave, just because they can overpower and dominate weaker beings and taunt them, but in reality, they are the weakest pieces of shit I have ever come across. The truth of the matter is that they are not men; although to them they may feel like they are fulfilling their roles as men, they are not men. I am coming to find out that there is a very big difference between masculinity and being a man.
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